FAQs

Hi, I was just wondering - I have been with my boyfriend for a while and we have been having sex but it always seems to hurt me. My boyfriend goes really fast and he says that I should go get checked out because I am very tight.

Answer

It takes a while to get used to having sex, and to find out what you enjoy, what your partner enjoys, and to learn about each other's bodies. It seems that your boyfriend is a little uninformed about how women's bodies work if he has immediately assumed that you have a problem and need a checkup, without thinking about how he might be contributing to your discomfort.

A man "going really fast" during sex can often be a sure way to turn a woman right off really fast. Chances are he will enjoy it a lot more if he can learn to slow down. It would be helpful if you could both think about how sex happens when you are together, rather than him blaming you.

Unfortunately for many of us the first few times we have sex often doesn't really live up to expectations. Sometimes it's over so quickly that its impossible to get aroused enough for the vagina to make sufficient lubrication to make sex comfortable - For instance, did you know that while the average guy can get aroused enough for sex in about three or four minutes, it takes most women more like 15 minutes of stimulation to reach the same level of arousal?

You'll find more on first time sex here http://www.fpnsw.org.au/sex-matters/faq/sex_20020327.html

Check this site out for accurate sex ed for the real world http://www.scarleteen.com/

There are lots of good books on learning about our sexual bodies and how to enjoy sex more too. Have a look in Healthrites on our website - the online book store, and in your library and local book shops.

Further reading:
Girl Stuff