FAQsQuestionOne of my friends was making out with her boyfriend when he got carried away, and went down her pants and fingered her. She said that she tried to stop him but he wouldn't stop. Now she feels real bad and violated. What do I tell her to make her feel better, and did she do anything wrong? Is this sexual assault? Answer Section 61H of the NSW Crimes Act defines sexual intercourse to include:
This means that what happened to your friend was sexual assault if she did not give her consent to her boyfriend fingering her in this way. It's good that your friend was able to confide in you and has you for support. However, remember that you are her friend and not a counsellor, so encourage her to seek help if she needs it, or if you are feeling overwhelmed. Talking to a trusted adult can also help. This can be a very upsetting experience because not only was your friend abused (or sexually assaulted) but someone she cared about and trusted did it. She certainly did nothing wrong. Her boyfriend broke her trust in doing what he did. It is not okay for a guy to force himself on anyone, let alone someone he cares about. 'Making out' with someone does not give anyone permission to go further than either of the couple wants. In the law this would be considered assault. Are your friend and her boyfriend still together? Your friend needs to work out if this relationship is something that she wants to continue with. If she decides that she wants to stay with him, she'll need to talk with him about boundaries and safe, respectful relationships. This must never happen again and your friend has to feel confident that she is able to trust him again. She may want to get some counselling and help about the assault and this is particularly important if she is not sleeping, missing school, work or study, upset or irritable or using alcohol or other drugs to escape. She can call the NSW Rape Crisis Service Telephone 1800 424 017 to speak to a counsellor (or on-line) or find out about the closest free service to where she lives. There is some good information on the web, which could help your friend. The Reachout website has information on safety and violence: http://www.reachout.com.au/index.asp?mci=3&mwi=2&tii=20 and friends and relationships: http://www.reachout.com.au/index.asp?mci=3&mwi=2&tii=16 The Domestic Violence Resource Centre, Victoria has great information on how to check out if your relationship is safe -When love hurts: a guide for girls on love, respect and abuse in relationships http://www.dvrcv.org.au/whenlove/ |
